Patience Is A Coconut

I

I was in the Air Force for 2 years; I never deployed and never saw combat. No one could rightly say “she is a brave airman” because I did not do a single thing to put myself in that category. I never had the opportunity.

My husband, on the other hand, has been deployed 5 times. He’s worn full armor and hiked for days through rugged Middle Eastern terrain while sleep-deprived, hungry, being shot at, and calling in air strikes to neutralize the enemies trying to kill him. I’m not sure if anyone’s heard the accounts of his adventures without saying, with their mouth or their countenance, “You are so brave!”

We were both in the military, but only one of us is an undeniably brave warrior. That’s because only one of us – Sean – has had the opportunity to both develop and display bravery.

II

It was the middle of kindergarten, our first year homeschooling. I told Findlay we were going to do a reading lesson and he obediently headed to the bookshelf to retrieve a book, but then he stopped, looked back at me, and said with sincerity, “But Mama, will you not yell at me today?”

Apparently I’d been doing such a poor job of being a patient teacher during reading lessons that just mentioning it made him nervous with the anticipation of getting hollered at. I knew I needed to become significantly better at being patient if homeschooling was going to be the joy I knew it could be.

But how? I’d already been praying for God to make me more patient, and I’d also been praying for Findlay to focus better, despite his recent diagnosis of “ADHD – severe”. Looking back over the past 39 years, I don’t recall anyone telling me that I’m a patient person. In fact, I recall plenty of people telling me that I had a short fuse, and of course I can’t forget that time I was made to take anger management classes in the Air Force. I am not a patient person by nature. So what am I supposed to do?

III

God answered that question when I read this, by one of my favorite theologians, Charles Spurgeon:

Do you see why the Lord always trains His soldiers not by allowing them to lie on beds of ease but by calling them to difficult marches and service? God knows that soldiers can only be made in battle and are not developed in times of peace.

Of course! Just as I never endured the horrific circumstances of battle and thus never had the opportunity to truly become a “brave soldier”, I would never develop patience unless I endured difficult situations where patience was crucial.

So instead of praying for magic to happen – that is, for me to suddenly be patient and Findlay to instantaneously become The Most Perfect Student – I began to ask God to lead me through every hard situation so that Findlay and I could both develop not just patience, but perseverance and self-control.

IIII

God, no surprise, has been faithful to answer my prayers since, “if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us” (1 John 5:14). Findlay and I have both been making leaps and bounds in our ability to calmly work through trying situations. School is still difficult at times, but it is no longer stressful, since nearly every roadblock is met with patience and a joint effort to persevere. What a change! To God be the glory!

Recently Findlay and I were discussing the need for patience during a tough school lesson. Findlay said, “I need patience like a coconut?” I blinked at him, baffled, trying to make sense of it. He got up and pointed to our Fruits of the Spirit poster where each biblical “fruit” is represented by an image of a literal fruit (see Galatians 5:22). Patience was represented by – you guessed it – a coconut.

While Findlay imagines a coconut when we talk about patience, I continue to consider that soldier who was once timid, unsure, fearful. But he steps onto the battlefield anyway, fighting for his life and the lives of others through intense and terrifying battles. He perseveres. With each skirmish he grows fiercer and more courageous. By the time the war is won, he stands tall – he has become what he was always meant to be: a truly brave soldier. I want to be that guy. Except the persevering, patient mom version. Which is cool, too.